"To all the boys who've had to learn to play by different rules."

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

I read this book earlier this year, after it had come out as an award winner at the beginning of the year (Lambda Literary Award, Stonewall for LGBT fiction, Pura Belpré for Latino author, and Printz honor book for YA fiction).  I love, love, loved it!  By the end of the book, I had tears streaming down my face, and I just wanted to immediately turn back to page one and start reading all over again.  (I didn't, because I thought I'd enjoy the book much more if I saved a reread for a later time).

It's a coming-of-age story about two Mexican-American boys growing up during the 1980's.  Ari is our hot-tempered, introverted narrator that has an emotionally distant father, an incarcerated brother, a loving but secret-keeping mother, and a difficulty with understanding his own emotions.  He becomes friends with Dante, an outspoken, too-clever-for-his-own-good boy that loves poetry, art, and doing things his own way.  

Just look at the cover and you can tell that the story is going to be beautiful.  Saenz doesn't write overly complex or convoluted sentences, but his simple dialogue is very meaningful, lyrical.  The relationship that builds between the two boys is beautiful.  They have wonderful, supportive families, even if they're not what you'd think of as typical families.  You see how two very different people can find so much in common to love and appreciate in a world that is confusing and frustrating.  You get to see these two characters go through so much and change throughout their difficulties that I found myself really missing them for several days after I had finished the book.

But don't just take my word for it - go read the book for yourself.  I don't read a lot of realistic fiction, but this is definitely one of my top books of the year.  I'll leave you with a quote:  

"The problem with my life is that it was someone else's idea."

I Wasn't Trans Enough to Wear That Shirt

Recently, I spent a weekend in Chicago.  My husband's band was playing a couple of shows with some good bands, so we stayed out there all weekend.

Saturday night, he played with a punk band from Boston that I had seen another time when they were on tour through Chicago.  I really liked them so I was looking forward to the show.  They're a pretty political band that writes songs mostly about issues of gender equality and equal rights for LGBTQ.  For the most part, I like hearing what they have to say and agree with their message.  However, there were a couple of comments made during their set that I didn't feel comfortable about, that made me really think, and reflect on how that relates to teaching (more on that later).

They told a story about how just a couple of days ago, there was a comedian at a place where they were playing a show.  He made a "joke" about Anderson Cooper being a faggot, and one of the band members threw something at him and then got up on stage and started a fight with him.  Another song was about getting harassed on the street by people - a comment was made that we should kill those people.  Another song of those is about how being transgender led to feelings of suicide for the band member, but then he realized that those feelings need to be directed at others instead of himself.  Looking at their merch table later, I bought an album, and was looking at the shirts.  One of the shirts showed a beautiful woman, standing on a pile of dead people, holding a gun in the air.  She was lifting her skirt to reveal a penis and was peeing on the pile of people.  The text on the shirt said:  "US VS THEM / UNTIL THE VERY END."  I couldn't help but feel like even though I was a supporter of LGBTQ equality, that shirt seemed to want to separate, rather than bring people together.  Because I'm not transgender, I didn't feel like I was even welcome to buy a shirt for their band.

In contrast, the show that I was at the next night had a completely different vibe to it.  There was a message of positivity in everything that they did.  They talked about not letting anyone ever make you feel like you can't do something that you want to do.  Don't let people make you feel like you're not punk enough, or trans enough, or anything else enough, because you're all beautiful, each and every one.  I felt so much more a part of the scene, the music, and what was going on.  I felt like I could support that band and that they valued me, whether or not I was heterosexual, homosexual, transexual, or anything else.

So, how does this relate to teaching?

Afterwards, I couldn't help but thinking about the different approaches to an issue, and how we get there.  The first band I saw used violence, separation, isolation, and talked of killing people that had harassed them and made their lives miserable.  I wondered how they got to that point, and what we, as teachers, can do to change this.

If you talk to most teachers (at least at the elementary level that I know of), they will probably tell you that they avoid talking about anything that has to do with issues relating to people that are gay or transgender.  Kids just don't understand it.  Or it's an awkward thing to talk about.  Or they're too young to hear about that.  Or it's just weird.  Or teachers don't know how to explain it.  But I think that we need to talk about it.  We discuss these types of issues in my 5th grade classroom, and my students have always been more than able to handle it very maturely.  I feel strongly that you can talk about these things with younger children, too.

You don't need to talk about sex to talk about sexuality; you can make the conversation appropriate for the age that you are dealing with.  Kids understand that adults have relationships.  They have parents and we talk about that.  Many female teachers I know will talk about their husbands.  If we're teaching about government, we have no problem talking about Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle.  So why can't we talk about two women, or two men being together?  Or about a girl that decided to become a man?  You don't need to go into all of the details about what or how that happens.  Handle it just like you would a question about how babies are made - give them an age- and developmentally-appropriate answer that gives them enough information for what they need to know.  What we do need to do, though, is acknowledge it, and model respect for ALL people.  If we pride ourselves on really teaching our students about diversity, and respecting and accepting people of all types, we can't only limit that to race and disabilities.

Guess what?  Our students have gay parents, our students have transgender aunts or uncles, our students might even be realizing that they are questioning their own sexuality.  I've talked to several adults that told me they had "known" since they were in elementary school.  We have to acknowledge, accept, and affirm these views.  If we continue to ignore it, pretend like it doesn't exist, or like it's something wrong and dirty, we are only encouraging students to grow up with the thinking that it's unfamiliar and wrong, and to do the types of things that cause people in the band that I saw to want to kill themselves and others for feeling like they'll never belong in this world.   2011 saw the highest number of anti-gay murders to date.  Go do a Google search for hate crimes against LGBTQ; you'll probably want to throw up while reading it.  I did.  We need to let our students know that this is wrong.  They may be hearing one message at home, but I feel that it's our duty as teachers to help these students become outstanding citizens, and that includes showing respect for all people, all of the time.

Even if you yourself don't understand it, or agree with it, you have to agree that it's wrong to bully, harass, attack, or kill someone for their sexual orientation, right?  So help our students realize that, too.  Make them see that we're all people.  You can't keep LGBTQ out of our world (not that I'd want to), even if there are kids in our classrooms.  So we might as well talk about it with our kids.  And maybe we'll have kids that grow up that feel like they can work together, even if they're different, rather than having to be isolated on one side or the other.

I'd welcome comments and discussion!

ps.  I know I haven't written in forever.  This started as just a homework assignment, but I think I'll make it a goal to post weekly or biweekly from now on.